Thinking of intercultural situations, I could not help but relate to an experience that I had many years ago, but is still vivid in my memory. It however, taught me more on my own Chinese culture.
Many years ago, me and my other good friend, Tom, were invited to my best friend’s house to have a meal with his family. Jason is what I would name him and his family consisted of his parents and his older sister. Feeling honored and elated, we immediately agreed to his offer.
Jason and his family were all from Hong Kong, with strong and rich Chinese culture in them. Hence, not wanting to appear rude, Tom and I bought some dishes to add on to the dinner. All was well and I felt we were both able to interact quite well with his family, having interesting chats here and there while waiting for dinner to be prepared. When dinner was finally done, we made our way to the dining table and I realized that they used rice bowls and chopsticks, instead of the usual plates, forks and spoons that I have at home. However, I took no heed as I was able to use the chopsticks quite skillfully anyway. So, dinner proceeded and Tom tried to keep up the hearty mood by chatting animatedly and using some hand gestures to illustrate his points during the conversation. While doing so, he was pointing his chopsticks at his audience. I felt the response was quite good initially but I realized Jason was lightly nudging him but Tom did not really take note of it. I also realized that his parents were starting to frown slightly but Tom was too busy with eating and talking to realize. As dinner proceeded, the atmosphere became a little awkward as Jason’s family started showing little interest in what Tom was saying and dinner ended soon after.
After dinner, I felt puzzled at the sudden change in atmosphere. Having been raised from a more westernized family, I did not really understand the Chinese culture well. I tried to figure out what was the reason behind the sudden mood change. After thinking it through, I felt it may be because while Tom was talking with enthusiastic hand gestures, he pointed his chopsticks at Jason’s family for a few times, which might be something that their family felt was really rude and ill-mannered.
The next day, I asked Jason what he was nudging Tom for. Indeed it was because Tom was pointing his chopsticks at his family members. For a family with rich Chinese culture, it was very unbecoming and disrespectful and hence, led to their displeasure. I felt astounded as we did not realize we were being rude to them and immediately went to apologize for our disrespectful behavior.
After researching, I found out that chopsticks are the primary eating utensil for the people of China, Japan, Korea, and Vietnam. Hence, they were very particular about the way chopsticks were used during meals. I also consulted my grandmother about it and she said that was a definite no-no during her time and that her mother would slap her whenever she did it, whether intentionally or not. After learning so much, I honestly felt very ignorant and ashamed that I was not sure of my own Chinese culture at all. However, I am glad that through this incident, I am able to enhance and deepen my Chinese roots to a greater level.
