Thinking of intercultural situations, I could not help but relate to an experience that I had many years ago, but is still vivid in my memory. It however, taught me more on my own Chinese culture.
Many years ago, me and my other good friend, Tom, were invited to my best friend’s house to have a meal with his family. Jason is what I would name him and his family consisted of his parents and his older sister. Feeling honored and elated, we immediately agreed to his offer.
Jason and his family were all from Hong Kong, with strong and rich Chinese culture in them. Hence, not wanting to appear rude, Tom and I bought some dishes to add on to the dinner. All was well and I felt we were both able to interact quite well with his family, having interesting chats here and there while waiting for dinner to be prepared. When dinner was finally done, we made our way to the dining table and I realized that they used rice bowls and chopsticks, instead of the usual plates, forks and spoons that I have at home. However, I took no heed as I was able to use the chopsticks quite skillfully anyway. So, dinner proceeded and Tom tried to keep up the hearty mood by chatting animatedly and using some hand gestures to illustrate his points during the conversation. While doing so, he was pointing his chopsticks at his audience. I felt the response was quite good initially but I realized Jason was lightly nudging him but Tom did not really take note of it. I also realized that his parents were starting to frown slightly but Tom was too busy with eating and talking to realize. As dinner proceeded, the atmosphere became a little awkward as Jason’s family started showing little interest in what Tom was saying and dinner ended soon after.
After dinner, I felt puzzled at the sudden change in atmosphere. Having been raised from a more westernized family, I did not really understand the Chinese culture well. I tried to figure out what was the reason behind the sudden mood change. After thinking it through, I felt it may be because while Tom was talking with enthusiastic hand gestures, he pointed his chopsticks at Jason’s family for a few times, which might be something that their family felt was really rude and ill-mannered.
The next day, I asked Jason what he was nudging Tom for. Indeed it was because Tom was pointing his chopsticks at his family members. For a family with rich Chinese culture, it was very unbecoming and disrespectful and hence, led to their displeasure. I felt astounded as we did not realize we were being rude to them and immediately went to apologize for our disrespectful behavior.
After researching, I found out that chopsticks are the primary eating utensil for the people of China, Japan, Korea, and Vietnam. Hence, they were very particular about the way chopsticks were used during meals. I also consulted my grandmother about it and she said that was a definite no-no during her time and that her mother would slap her whenever she did it, whether intentionally or not. After learning so much, I honestly felt very ignorant and ashamed that I was not sure of my own Chinese culture at all. However, I am glad that through this incident, I am able to enhance and deepen my Chinese roots to a greater level.
Hi Alycia,
ReplyDeleteWhen I was writing my blog entry on intercultural behavior, I am sure somewhere the chopstick story willl pop out somewhere and there you have it: ) Well I got to admit I don't use chopsticks at home during dinner since young. But I was taught from young to not speak during meals and hence I got a shock when I went for recess during my first day of school.Everyone is chatting away while eating. Now it really depends on who I am eating with, haha.
But I believe that these culture values still holds today and it is that sometimes its just being nice to not do those things. I don't think it feels nice being pointed at by a pair of chopsticks while eating right? Hence, I think people do have intercultural behaviors due to the environment they live in.
PS. Oh I know you are trying very hard, but your posts are still very longwinded >,<
Hi Alicia,
ReplyDeleteA very deep and nice post in sense of inter-cultural conflict.
1) 7Cs wise it is up to the mark.
2) However, the post could have been short by including some of the points in same paragraph and excluding some.
3) Grammar is right and spellings are correct.
4) You did a very good job of apologizing because everyone values rich cultural heritage; and so do you. I hope Jason would have understood after he heard what yo had to say. The one who is really stable to handle different cultures and accept them indifferently is a great person.
Hi Alicia,
ReplyDeleteThis post is very interesting and very relevant to me, who comes from China and inherited some of the traditional cultures. I am a bit surprised that although the majority populations of Singapore are Chinese, many of them are mainly influenced by western cultures. That’s why this intercultural conflict can happen between you and a Hong Kong family.
You did well to resolve this cultural conflict by asking for clarifications afterwards and made your apologies sincerely. Intercultural conflicts can happen very easily in Singapore, we should have a better self awareness and if we did something wrong intentionally, do apologize sincerely afterwards and seek for others’ understanding.
Ps: Although the post seems a bit long, it is quite easy to read and understand :)
Hi Alicia,
ReplyDeleteI am rather embarassed now. Reason being, I am completely unaware that pointing chopsticks at others is disrespectful. God, I don't think I am qualified to be a chinese. Haha.
Your post provided a very clear and detailed explanation. As what Brad wanted to see, you had carefully thought of the five Ws and one H (who,what,where,when,why,how). Though a little lengthy, you managed to fulfil this aspect.
I could not agree more with Nanhai, the younger Singaporeans especially, are more inclinded towards western cultures. As such, not only the chinese but other races as well are seeing a dilution of their respective cultures.
That gives us more reasons to be even more conscious of our every actions, especially when dealing with people of different backgrounds.
Cheers,
ALvin
This is indeed an interesting post, Alicia, one in which you describe a culture conflict scenario very well. I have to admit that I'm surprised that young Chinese Singaporeans like you and Tom were not aware of certain aspects of the traditional etiquette. Having lived in Japan and Malaysia, I became aware long ago of the fact that waving and pointing one's chopsticks is a "no no." You say that you use knives and forks, etc., in your home, but that you know how to use chopsticks. Does that mean that for most meals you don't use chopsticks? Really?
ReplyDeleteHi Alicia,
ReplyDeleteI totally understand what you mean when you mentioned about the diluted Chinese culture in our generation! It's sad because there really wasn't much emphasis on traditional practices by my parents at least, but I learnt the proper way of holding my chopsticks in primary school, the proper way as opposed to crossing it. I even had Chinese Appreciation lessons in secondary school to educate about the importance of mundane festivals like Chinese New Year and Mooncake Festival!
Apparently I have also learnt that other than pointing the chopsticks, we are also not to stick them into the food, as it symbolizes food offerings to the dead.
By and large, it's quite a pity. While I might be able to observe what my grandmother does and begin to question, for example the types of fruits and meaning of food that she cooks during ancestral worship, it has already become a way of life for the older generation that they have forgotten the underlying reasons for these to relay to us, or that we have no time to keep in touch with our cultural roots that they will be lost with time.
Thanks for bringing this story to our attention! It may be a cultural fact, but certainly embedded within it, the prevalence of the underlying cultural changes in society.
Xing Quan: Yes! I felt that way too because chopsticks are really a great symbol of the Chinese culture and hence, many stories to conflicts regarding it would definitely arise. I don't use chopsticks at home too and I am used to using a common serving spoon for meals. Hence, I felt really uncomfortable when i started to share utensils with my friends' families but i know it is a norm that i have to adapt to. Yes, yes, I will try harder to be more concise in the next post! hahaha.
ReplyDeleteShivam: Thank you for your comments. Indeed, I cannot help but agree more to the last line of your post. It is exceptionally important and essential that we accept other cultures indifferently here in Singapore, where it is a multicultural society.
Nanhai: Yes, the Chinese culture is indeed very diluted in Singapore. Hence, I felt really ashamed of myself that I was not aware of such a fact when I was younger. However, it was really a great learning experience for me and I believe that I will continue learning more cultures as I grow older. (:
Alvin: Thank you for your comments, Alvin. We are indeed examples of teenagers with diluted cultures! However, I would want to learn more about the Chinese culture and if given a chance, other cultures too, to prevent such an incident from happening again!
Brad: Yes, Brad. I do not use chopsticks for most meals unless I eat out in Chinese restaurants as I prefer forks and spoons. (: This incident happened to me when I was still a young kid in primary school, hence the ignorance of the Chinese culture. As I grew older, I definitely learnt much more about my own culture. (:
Yan Ling: Yes, there is definitely a huge culture change, especially for teenagers as we tend to disregard its importance to us. Sad to say, I really agree that we might lose our roots soon enough. So, we should learn as much from our culture as we possibly can now, so as to educate our future generations! :D