Being in the modern and globalized world that we are in, we tend to be more and more interdependent on each other. Communicating and interacting with one another has already become a social norm in the society today. With the benefits and enjoyment that comes about from these relationships, there are also the flip sides at the end of the spectrum. I am sure that some of us, if not all of us, have been victims of different forms of interpersonal conflicts in one way or another. However, the determining factor that decides the outcome of such conflicts is the way we handle them. What is the best way to settle such issues that would provide both parties a win-win situation?
Being the band major of my symphonic band, my role was to take charge of the band, taking care of the administrations, organizing events and the likes. It was a great honour for me when I was chosen, as it was a signal to me from my teachers that I was worthy enough to ascend the role. All was well during the first few months of my leadership, I was able to command the respect of my band well and things went smoothly. However, things started to get rocky as the term proceeded. I started to realise that when I spoke to my band, I would occasionally witness a few of them rolling their eyes at the things I said, or just basically giving me blank stares, signalling that they were not bothered with whatever I was saying at all. Initially I did not heed much to these as I felt it could be because they were feeling tired due to the long hours of band practice. However, the situation did not improve but only got more serious. I started to witness more scenarios of them talking in small groups and dispersing quickly when I was within hearing range. I knew that there was a problem, but I just did not know how to go about handling it.
One day, me and my fellow leaders, Charlene and Shirley, received a letter from Natalie, a representation of a clique in my band. In the letter, it stated their intense unhappiness about the way the management committee manages the band. They felt that we were being biased to certain sections of people in the band, by giving them more jobs and tasks. They even felt that we were not doing enough for the band as leaders. The climax of the letter came when they stated that Tom was a better candidate to be the leader of the band and that they had already proposed the idea to our teachers-in-charge of the band.
I remember the emotions I felt at that time so vividly. Disappointment, indignation, anger, all rolled into one. I did not know which was the most intense. I felt so maligned and that everything that I did in the interest of the band was all for nothing. My personal time that I had sacrificed for them all felt like they came to a naught there and then. I did not know how to approach this problem, which was such a delicate one. My response towards their behaviour, would either worsen the misunderstanding, or improve the interpersonal relationship.
Until today, I did not know what I did to result in the misunderstanding and miscommunication between us. And I would never know for sure, only being able to hypothesize possible causes. However, I was pretty sure that one of the reasons would be because Tom, the other 'worthy candidate' they felt was better for the position, was from their clique. Hence, the biasness. Probably, it may also be due to the lack of transparency from the management committee. We did not have the habit of sharing with the main band about our behind-the-scenes planning, hence leading to the wrong impression of us slacking. So many probable causes, but I would never know the true one.
So dear readers, how would you guys handle the situation if you were in my shoes? (:
Wow your blog post is still as long when others are slashing their length of blog posts after what Mr Brad had said in class. But no worries, it was still an enjoyable read.
ReplyDeleteRegarding the situation, it is sad that some people are just not appreciative of what others have done. They were not in the position in which they had to take up the responsibilities that is why they did not understand what you have done for them. I believe that you are not the kind which will go around boosting what you have done, hence the wrong impression of you all slacking cos they superficially can't feel the things that you have done for them. I guess this is where the communication broke down.
If I would you, I would assure them that I will try my best to satisfy them first. Then I would then involve them more in the things that you are doing. In that way, they will see that it is in fact not easy to be a leader. It will thus be a win win situation in which they understand better your position and you get extra labour :)
Actually I am curious about how you handled the issue as well. Maybe you can comment after the week is over.
Now its time for English !
Being in the modern and globalized world that we are in, we tend to be more
--->Being in the modern and globalized world , we tend to be more
Communicating and interacting with one another has already become a social norm in the society today.
--->Communicating and interacting with one another had already become a social norm in the society today.
Hi Alicia,
ReplyDeleteI like the way you clearly describe your situation. However, I find your post is a bit too lengthy. I suppose you should just focus on the conflict you face- conciseness.
In response to your question of how to achieve a "win-win" situation, I feel its being able to compromise in such situations. A process whereby we learn to give and take. Perhaps you could spend time with each and everyone of your band members, seeking their personal advice and feedbacks. Of course, it is not easy since all of us will tend to be closer to a particular group of people. This "biasness" is most likely the root cause of your conflict. Hence, as much as possible, you should try to treat everyone equally. This way, you can harness greater respect as a leader.
Cheers!
Dear Alicia,
ReplyDeleteI guess it's always tough being a leader, having to juggle the responsibilities and expectations of the entire group. Well, it must have been a really trying period at that time.
I feel that I am in no position to comment much without knowing the real reason to the misunderstanding. Though if (and only if) Natalie's proposed reasoning was valid, perhaps involving other people in the decision making may be effective in allowing them to empathize with your decisions? Then again, I'm not sure if this would be suitable alternative in the context of a hierarchical CCA like band. :)
P.S. I haven't mentioned it before but I love your profile picture! :)
Yanling
Hi Alicia,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this personal incident with us. A situation like this is the stuff of nightmares! It's hard enough being in-charge of a whole CCA group and having to co-ordinate logistical matters, events, reporting back to the teachers-in-charge, etc. To have all your efforts unappreciated...and even viciously criticized, is just heart-breaking.
Well alright to address the question of what I would have done, had I been in your shoes, I think I would have had a private meeting with this clique in question. I would want to hear all their gripes and reasons why they felt so negatively towards my committee's leadership. Right there and then, I would gently clarify matters with them if they were under false impressions that the leadership was being 'slack' and irresponsible. Yes, the notion of letting them in on some of the behind-the-scenes dealings might have aided the situation. With better understanding of another party's position, empathy and respect follow.
I feel that Natalie's group acted too rashly (in a rather immature manner) by bringing their complaints and accusations up to the teachers-in-charge, behind your back, without first clarifying matters with you and your leadership team.
At the end of the day, that's how life is; you can't determine the behaviour of others, but what you can control is your response to them. Treating people with respect and honesty is always the best option.
Hi Alicia,
ReplyDeleteDon't take the following comments personally, there're just some improvements that I think you can make to your blog post.
First paragraph can be slashed, get straight to the point.
Blog post can be summarised, for example, drop the "did not improve but" in the 2nd paragraph.
Second last paragraph, "And I would never... pretty sure that" can be replaced with "One of the possible reasons was Tom..."
No hard feelings, ok?
If I were in your shoes, I would confront them directly, ask for suggestions on how to improve. Being a leader for the first time can be tough, and a leader must know how to listen to the people you're leading.
Wyhow
Hi AliBABA!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I do sympatize with you. Being a leader is definitely not easy, especially when you have to act as a bridge between your memebers and teachers and needless to say all the logistics and administrative matters you have to attend to.
It must have been frustrating on your part when your members appear to be so unappreciative and what's worse, they have the intention to get you replaced! I feel that you ought to talk to Natalie in private. She seems to be the one who is stirring trouble and making things really difficult for you. You should not please or give in to such a tyrant like her! You may say that this will only make things worse, but I believe that as a leader you have the authority over them.
If I were you, I will get to the root of the problem by talking to my members. If there is anything that I ought to improve on as a leader, I am more than willing to take in constructive critism. Otherwise, I will explain my stand to their who are unhappy with me. This gets tricky as I may appear to be arrogant by doing so. As such, EQ steps in as I have to be very tactful when the choice of my words and tonation.
Good luck!
Cheerios,
Xiaoshi
Hi Alicia,
ReplyDeleteIt must be a tough time for you! Indeed, being a leader is definitely not easy. I could understand how you felt when they did not appreciate all the efforts you have put in.
Let me comment on that group of students who wrote the letter. It was not a proper way to offer constructive and sincere criticism. A better way is to talk things out with you during breaks/recesses and casually mention possible suggestions to you. Going to the third party(the teacher in this case) was not wise and considerate. So I guess they all need to take ES2007S to understand the art of effective communication!:)
I believe leaders need to and have to face some criticisms(rational or irrational) because your action will not please everyone. As long as your leadership benefits the greatest number of people in your team, I think it is already a pretty good job. :)
Thanks, Alicia, for this description of an interpersonal conflict scenario. You give a fairly comprehensive view of the situation and the people involved. However, one thing I feel is missing right at the start is the time frame. Was this an episode from your secondary school?
ReplyDeleteOther questions I have related to context include: How many members were there in the band? How long were you the leader? Who appointed you? Why were you appointed? Were the cliques there from the start? How were they apparent before you became the leader?
You ask your reader to explain how he or she might have handled the negative situation better. But that seems a bit too general to me.
The answers to the questions above might make the dilemma itself clearer and more specific. I'd even suggest thinking about this in a more focused manner.
Your scenario would benefit from a more precise question, for example, something like: how should I have reacted to the letter?
Other language-based issues:
- One day, me and my fellow leaders, Charlene and Shirley, received a letter from Natalie, a representation of a clique in my band. >>>
One day, me and my fellow leaders, Charlene and Shirley, received a letter from Natalie, a representative of a clique in my band.
- In the letter, it stated their intense unhappiness about the way the management committee manages the band. >>> The letter stated their intense unhappiness about the way the management committee had been managing the band.
- My personal time that I had sacrificed for them all felt like they came to a naught there and then. >>> ?
I don't men to sound too negative. This is a good post, and you've received lots of useful feedback. I simply want you to think about it from other perspectives.
Hi Alicia,
ReplyDeleteThis must have been really hard on your part to face such situation.
About the blog post:
Too wordy with a little bit of vagueness of description here and there. You gave a too much of personal touch of you feeling. However, it was useful in a way of letting us know the situation well.
What I can suggest is quite different. Being a leader, you must think a step ahead of possible problems you might face in leading the group.This is a very common possible problem to be faced. Anyone should be ready for this.Thus, from the start, though it was a rule of you committee of not telling your band about some of the matters, you should have brought discussions over these in front of them in a very "unofficial" manner. Socializing with group is very important for a leader. You not only gain confidence of your members but also come across the genuine problems they face in which you can help them, and in return they might help you too when you are too busy or not being able to give time to your band in specific situations.
I hope you get my point.
Hi all,
ReplyDeleteThank you everyone for your advice on my interpersonal conflict. I must admit, this recount of what happened then is a much exaggerated version! :D Hence, hopefully I haven't left a bad impression of myself in you guys! (: Honestly, I felt my post was definitely over the limit too. Probably, it was due to the fact that I wanted the emotional aspect of the conflict to shine through. Hence, a large portion of my post reflected on that. Though long, I agree that some aspects, like what Brad mentioned in class, are lacking in my posts. Probably what I felt was unnecessary to add in, actually enhances the understanding of the conflict better. (:
Xingquan: Thanks for your faith! Indeed, I was definitely not slacking around or anything like that. Like what I mentioned, my whole recount is much exaggerated. In fact, there were actually only 3-4 people who felt unhappy about the management, mainly because their friend who was in the same clique did not get chosen. But they did not go that overboard to roll their eyes or openly defy us or anything like that. In fact, we were still on talking terms then, with just a slight animosity. Thus, I settled the situation by talking to them and asking them how they felt. I took some of their suggestions into account and made things fairer for everyone as they felt we were being biased. Thus, that was how the matter was peacefully resolved. (:
Alvin: Thanks Alvin, I will try my best to be more concise in my future posts. (:
Yan Ling: I guess the root cause to the misunderstanding is probably due to the fact that their friend wasn’t chosen. Hence, there was this slight animosity towards the management. (: Thanks for your advice. (:
Yuen May: Indeed, being a leader is really tough. And I can’t help but agree more to your point of being unable to control people’s responses, only our responses towards them. Thus, I took the step of talking things out with them, which I felt did alleviate the tension a little. (:
Wyhow: Thanks for your advice and no offence taken! (: To me, I added in the first paragraph as I felt the need to have a proper introduction to the topic before moving into my conflict proper. But thanks anyway!
Xiaoshi: Indeed, it is important to be tactful when dealing with such conflicts, especially when they lead to repercussions. I managed to talk to Natalie then, so no harm done in the end. (:
Xixi: Yes, I agree the letter is definitely not the best way out, but I guess they felt it was the most “peaceful” way of getting their message across. Thank you for your comment!
Shivam: Thank you! I got your point from your comment. I agree some parts of my post are a little vague. Again, it was due to my assumptions of certain details being less important. And yes, I focused on the emotion part so that the readers would be able to understand the situation better. (:
Hi Alicia,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your post. This is a very interesting post. The situation in which the subordinate does not accept the leadership often happens in real life within cca and workplace. If I were in your shoes, I would talk to them directly, like one day after practice you could have a little chat with them ask them "how do think the club should be run?" You could have asked them for opinion on what they think about the management. Otherwise, you could talk to teacher-in-charge to ask him to talk to the group of them, but you must emphasize to him that this should not be offensive to them. I think they would slowly open up to you if you were friendly.
On the narrative part, it is clear and coherent. The structure parallel with each other. However, I think there's a little lack of information like what Brad says "how were you posted on that position?" This would help complete the story. I think you could have done this more concisely. I think the first paragraph can be taken out if the word limit is exceeded because it does not help much in the story. Besides, it's a little wordy with some unnecessary phases. Examples:
- "Being in the modern and globalized world that we are in, we tend" should have just been "Being in the modern and globalized world,". "that we are in" is unnecessary because it is a repetition of idea.
- "I was chosen, as it was a signal to me from my teachers that I was worthy enough to ascend the role." could have been "I was chosen as teacher thinks I am responsible enough."
These aren't grammatical mistakes, but it's just some extra words that could be cut out considering the word-limit that you have. If you are writing a novel, this essay would perfectly fit a chapter of it. Nonetheless, it is a great job anyways. Clear and vivid description of ideas.
Cheers,
Billet